Anxiety UK Review of 'Prone To Panic'

A Book Review of ‘Prone To Panic’

‘Prone To Panic’ is written by Evelyn Gaughan, who is a sufferer of anxiety and has been diagnosed with Social Anxiety. Within her book she illustrates her experiences with anxiety, and also how she overcame and learned to manage this distressing affliction. It is refreshing to read a book regarding anxiety which has been written from a sufferer’s perspective, and not just from a clinical and detached viewpoint. The book is not a daunting size and the chapters are broken down in to small, manageable chunks so as not to overwhelm the reader.

‘Prone To Panic’ is the perfect self-help book for someone who has only just found themselves struggling with their anxiety, and really needs some help and direction. The author takes the reader through the options of help and treatment available, and provides simple explanations regarding the physical and psychological symptoms anxiety can cause. This book also suggests other reading material regarding anxiety, which is useful for someone who is new to literature regarding the condition.

However, this book is probably only beneficial to someone who is searching for information regarding anxiety, and needs some direction on the best way forward. Although the author suffers from Social Anxiety, the book only covers anxiety from a general perspective and does not focus on specific disorders (only a brief summary in Chapter 3: The science bit). Therefore, sufferers who have lived with anxiety for a long period of time, and have already learnt a great deal from other forms of self help material and therapy, may find that this book merely covers the basic first steps and does not offer any psychological or cognitive behavioural techniques.

‘Prone To Panic’ states within the introduction that the author’s aim is to create a book for anxiety sufferers that is ‘open, honest, and full of empathy, offering hope and support to those who feel isolated by fear’. This book offers a helpful reminder of the simple advice that is often forgotten by many sufferers (particularly Chapter 7: Setbacks) and more importantly ‘that you are not alone’.


http://www.anxietyuk.org.uk/

Criticism - learning to live with it

“I have no right, by anything I do or say, to demean a human being in his own eyes. What matters is not what I think of him; it is what he thinks of himself. To undermine a man's self-respect is a sin.”

Antoine de Saint Exupery


This is a topic I did not cover extensively in Prone To Panic, but in hindsight, I would have devoted an entire chapter to it (a little critique of my own there!). As I may have mentioned, I am an artist and through this medium, have learned to deal with criticism of my work. Surprisingly, I have never had much trouble with other people critiquing my work; either they suggest something that I think is valid, or they make a comment that I know is completely irrelevent for me. For instance, someone might say that the sky I have painted is too dark, or the perspective isn't working properly. I might look at the painting with new eyes and say "yes, I didn't notice that, but I think changing that will make the painting work better". That's a great moment, getting helpful perspective. Someone else might comment that the sky looks a bit empty and might benefit from some clouds or a bird flying over head. I look at my painting again and think, "no, that's not what I was going for. I want an open, clear sky. You might want a bird, but I don't". End of conversation. I know my painting pleases me and that's all that matters.
That is the wonderful thing about the world of art; everyone's interpretation of beauty is valid - there is no right or wrong. However, when criticism is of a more personal nature, things can get messy. What does this have to do with Social Phobia you might ask? Well, quite a lot actually. When you break down the fearful thoughts and doubts to their common denominator, it is usually the fear of being judged and being judged negatively. Would panic attacks be so bad if you weren't worrying about what everybody else was thinking of you? Would you spend hours going over your performance if you weren't so worried about other peoples' opinions?
Most of us want to be liked, so it hurts when somebody says 'you're wrong' or 'you made a mistake' or 'you're not good enough'. So you try to change, because you don't want to be wrong and you want to prove to everybody that you are good enough. But if you change one thing about yourself, it is the thin end of the wedge and there is no guarantee that the next person is going to appreciate or love the new you. They might find other flaws (or at least, what they perceive to be flaws) and you'll have to change all over again.

There are two types of critique and believe me you will know the difference between them.
Julia Cameron points this out in her insightful book that I always return to 'The Artists's Way'.
"Useful criticism ultimately leaves us with one more puzzle piece - an inner sense of 'ah-hah! so that's what was missing! Useless criticism leaves us with a feeling of being bludgeoned. "
We've all had that experience, when suddenly everything you thought you knew about yourself is in doubt. You start to wonder, 'I thought I was good at that, maybe she's right, maybe I'm not'. Julia Cameron advises us not to pick up the first doubt as it will lead to another and another still. Re-affirm your self-believe with the antidotes of love and praise. Get back on the horse. Finally, the most important quote of all from this book:
"All that can be done with abusive criticism is to heal from it".

So, maybe we cannot expect everyone to like us or approve of us, but anyone worth their salt will respect you for who you are. If you can know yourself, stand up for your beliefs and embrace who you are, people will respect your integrity. But most importantly of all, you will begin to respect yourself and appreciate what you have. We all have different gifts, different vulnerabilities and as the saying goes,

“Criticism is the disapproval of people, not for having faults, but having faults different from your own."

Honestly, I still struggle with criticism. But instead of trying to change the fact that I am a sensitive person, I am putting all of my energy into becoming a really good healer!

Silver Linings

"We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.”
Joseph Campbell


In Prone to Panic, I speak about how acceptance is key. It is the only way to move forward in life. Otherwise, we get stuck in a rut of anger, resentment and self-pity. But like everything else, it's a lot easier said than done. I recently watched a programme about a man who sustained serious brain damage in a car accident. He was drunk when his car hit a ditch. He eventually came out of his coma and set into rehabilitation. But he life was forever changed - he could no longer function in the same way. Things that he used to love to do, like playing football, were no longer an option. He fell into a deep depression, understandably. But in the end, he spoke of his acceptance because no matter how much he willed it weren't so, this was the life he was given.

Living with an anxiety disorder is not always so obvious. People cannot see your limitations, but they are there nonetheless. Modern psychology encourages you to face your fear, which I agree with, but what is sometimes glossed over is the importance of accepting yourself the way you are now. 'Beating anxiety' is constantly placing your goal of happiness in the future, once you've worked long enough, tried hard enough. For most people, the goal is to get back to the life that we had planned, to get past this 'blip' and pretend it never happened. But maybe this 'blip' is opening you up to new depths and a greater sense of understanding. Perhaps everything really does happen for a reason.

The older I get, the more I understand that every experience has a hidden gem inside, a lesson to be learned. Experiences we label either 'good' or 'bad' both have their own worth when it comes to learning something about ourselves. Our society tends to shy away from the negative emotions we experience when something traumatic or ugly happens. A great new book "Smile or Die: How Positive Thinking Fooled America and the World" by Barbara Ehrenreich investigates society's need to be positive about every experience, thus completely denying the value of the process. We need to get angry, feel sad, cheated, frustrated and scared in order to move onto the self-compassion and self-love that is acceptance.

Acceptance does not mean jumping for joy at your new-found circumstances out of a desperate need to appear happy; it means letting go of your preconceived ideas about your life and who you are; it means that you are willing to open your mind to a different way of life; that you're willing to find out who you are - not who you were supposed to be. We cannot always be happy, but we can find contentment, something far more solid and long lasting.

I have to admit, the life I had planned for myself was embarrassingly shallow. I wanted a career (any career), great clothes, travel, parties and above all, to be accepted by my peers. I would be lying if I said I was some sort of yogi now, spending my days on a hill, meditating and performing sun salutations! But my priorities have shifted dramatically. Writing and having my work published is joint first with my love of creating visual artwork. I suppose that falls under the heading of career, but there is not a power-suit in sight! I would never have imagined this kind of life for me, and while there are so many aspects about it that I love, there are times when I still wish I could have my old life back, just so I could 'fit in'. But that is not who I am and that is the reality. So I guess my goal now is to keep learning to accept myself and appreciate what I have, rather than looking to other people for approval.

So, while there are many aspects of anxiety disorders that make life more challenging and downright difficult, do look for the silver linings, the gifts that are hidden within the experience. And maybe you can find the person you truly are, hidden behind the ideals of who you were expected to be.

Thoughts on thinking...

It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.

ARISTOTLE

Thoughts are just what they say on the tin. They do not mean anything, they are not based in any reality and they are certainly not predictions of the future or true representations of the past. They are just thoughts about things, stories we tell ourselves. They are like a running commentary, a non-stop mental chatter that fills our days in such a habitual way that we do not even notice we are doing it. So, where's the harm in that? Well none, if like Aristotle you can entertain the thought and then let it go. But for the vast majority of us, we treat our thoughts as fact rather than fiction and moreover, identify ourselves with our thoughts.

Eckhart Tolle is the author of a rather 'mind-bending' book called The Power of Now. He believes that thinking has become a disease as it has become completely out of balance. He says "Not to be able to stop thinking is a dreadful affliction, but we don't realize this because almost everybody is suffering from it, so it is considered normal".

So what does this have to do with anxiety? Well, quite alot actually, as it is the power of our thoughts and our mind over us that creates alot of fear and worry. Have you ever had the experience where you have to face a certain situation that makes you anxious and so you spend the days and weeks leading up to it compulsively thinking about how you will react, what it will be like etc. etc., only to find that when the day comes, it's not as bad as you thought and things worked out pretty uneventfully. Meanwhile, you've spent days concocting a limitless number of scenarios and movies in your mind, affirming your own skewed concept of yourself!

So according to Eckhart Tolle (and many others), you are not your mind. You are not what your mind tells you about yourself. So where does the power of now come into the equation? Well it is a fact that there can be no anxiety when you are fully in the present. Anxiety can only exist in the future or the past. So if we can keep ourselves in the now, life should be less of a scary experience. How do we do that? First step in this book is to "watch the thinker" as he puts it. Once you are aware of your thoughts, you can become aware that you are witnessing them, almost as a separate observer. I hope Mr Tolle won't mind me using a few excerpts from his book as he can no doubt explain it better than me!

"The voice (your thoughts) comments, speculates, judges, compares, complains, likes, dislikes, and so on. The voice isn't necessarily relevant to the situation you find yourself in at the time; it may be reviving the
recent or distant past or rehearsing or imagining possible future
situations. Here it often imagines things going wrong and negative
outcomes; this is called worry. Even if the voice is relevant to
the situation at hand, it will interpret it in terms of the past. This is because the voice belongs to your conditioned mind,
which is the result of all your past history as well as of the collective
cultural mind-set you inherited. So you see and judge the present through the eyes of the past and get a totally distorted view of it. It is not
uncommon for the voice to be a person's own worst enemy. Many
people live with a tormentor in their head that continuously attacks and punishes them and drains them of vital energy."

Personally, I'm not sure I will ever be able to switch off my thoughts and achieve the kind of freedom that Eckhart Tolle writes about. But if we could all take the first step of dis-identifying ourselves from our minds and realising that thoughts are just chatter, maybe we could achieve a greater sense of peace in the now.

Midge Ure - Breathe

Fear of fear

'The only thing to fear is fear itself'

Wise words from one Franklin D Roosevelt, for it is the fear of being afraid that paralyzes progress and leaves us trapped in a viscious cycle. In fact, this is how a panic disorder develops in the first place. For one reason or another you experience a panic attack and, being quite terrified, you immediately decide that this is very bad and you don't ever want it to happen again. Maybe that is as far as it goes for some people, but for others, they may have a second or third episode, which really puts the frighteners on. That's when the 'what if' thoughts enter the equation. "What if this happens to me again, and I'm out at the shops, and I can't catch my breath and feel trapped?" And that's the difference - it is the fear of having a panic attack, not a fear of going to the shops. You are afraid of having a panic attack while you're there. Or on the bus, etc. So it is a fear of being afraid and not being able to handle it.

How, therefore, can we alleviate this anxiety surrounding panic attacks? Well, I'm afraid (sorry!) there's only one solution: Allow yourself to feel afraid. The only way to stop feeling so bad about having panic attacks is to just accept them, let them happen and remove all judgement surrounding them. They feel extremely uncomfortable and upsetting, but they are not dangerous. They are a completely normal set of reactions, only they are a little out of context. Your brain gets the message that your safety is being threatened, so it takes the necessary precautions to protect itself and prepare for a speedy getaway. It feels like your body is about to crumble and faint, but actually it is trying to keep you safe. It's your job to remind your body that there is no real threat to your safety and you can do this by not reacting to its alarm. Let the feelings of fear rise and fall.

I realise that saying and doing are two very different things. It is a process of learning and you will have to practice it over and over until you see results. Progress may be slow, but as Confucius once said, "It doesn't matter how slow you go, as long as you don't stop!" Some days I can talk myself out of having a full blown panic attack and others days I just have to excuse myself. Here are some coping statements that can help when you find yourself becoming afraid of your symptoms:

• These feelings/symptoms are not dangerous
• I can be anxious and still deal with this situation
• I am allowed to feel fear
• This will pass

Remember to try and regulate your breathing - this is your greatest tool for dealing with a panic attack. Also carry some bottled water, which can help if you feel out of breath. If you can, take a seat, take some deep breaths and praise yourself for all the efforts you are making. Once you have some tools for coping with panic attacks, you will become more confident in your ability to deal with them. They may not go away, but over time your fear of having them will diminish.

I remember when I first saw the book 'Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway' by Susan Jeffers I thought great, another person telling me to face my fears! She obviously doesn't know how awful it is to experience a panic attack. But the answer is in the title; facing your fears will not make them go away. However, allowing yourself to feel fear instead of insisting 'I must not get scared', gives you back the power instead of letting the fear control you. I don't think anyone really enjoys being afraid, no more than people enjoy being sad. But they are valid human emotions that deserve to be heard and expressed. Fighting them back or suppressing them will only make matters worse and create a stockpile of emotion that will erupt further down the road. It's okay to be afraid, it does not mean you are weak or different to anybody else.

So just consider these thoughts and if you can, embrace them in the spirit that they are meant. I try not to blame myself and I certainly wouldn't blame anyone else for avoiding situations that cause panic. It's another natural, human response. But there will come a day when the pain of feeling trapped is greater than the pain of experiencing fear and when it does, remember that there is nothing to fear, but fear itself.

A good place to start...

My sister loaned me a copy of Louise L Hay's cd "How to love yourself". I was a bit sceptical at first, assuming she was one of the "think positive" brigade, but the following 10 points are as good a place to start as any in the life-long journey of growing to love who you are.

Hope you find them helpful!


How to Love Yourself - Louise L. Hay

Stop all criticism. Criticism never changes a thing. Refuse to criticize yourself. Accept yourself exactly as you are. Everybody changes. When you criticize yourself, your changes are negative. When you approve of yourself, your changes are positive.

Stop scaring yourself. Stop terrorizing yourself with your thoughts. It's a dreadful way to live. Find a mental image that gives you pleasure, (mine is yellow roses) and immediately switch your scary thought to a pleasure thought.

Be gentle and kind and patient. Be gentle with yourself. Be kind to yourself. Be patient with yourself as you learn the new ways of thinking. Treat yourself as you would someone you really love.

Be kind to your mind. Self-hatred is only hating your own thoughts. Don't hate yourself for having the thoughts. Gently change the thoughts.

Praise yourself. Criticism breaks the inner spirit. Praise builds it up. Praise yourself as much as you can. Tell yourself how well you are doing with every little thing.

Support yourself. Find ways to support yourself. Reach out to friends and allow them to help you. It is being strong to ask for help when you need it.

Be loving to your negatives. Acknowledge that you created them to fulfil a need. Now you are finding new, positive ways to fulfil those needs. So, lovingly release the old negative patterns.
Take care of your body. Learn about nutrition. What kind of fuel does your body need to have optimum energy and vitality? Learn about exercise. What kind of exercise can you enjoy? Cherish and revere the temple you live in.

Mirror work. Look into your own eyes often. Express this growing sense of love you have for yourself. Forgive yourself looking into the mirror. Talk to your parents looking into the mirror. Forgive them, too. At least once a day look into the mirror and say: "I love you, I really love you!".

LOVE YOURSELF - DO IT NOW! Don't wait until you get well or lose the weight, or get the new job, or the new relationship.BEGIN NOW - Do the best you can.